"Not alone anymore. But, am not loving it anymore too!"
Onti mara (Lone tree), Mandalpatti
Written on : 16-March-2016
The hill is my home. Like many travelers, I did not have the privilege to choose my destination. But, I accepted the destination chosen by destiny for me. For years, I spent my life in the same place. Neither destination nor company was as per my choice. I started feeling the years being added to my age but when I looked back, every day of life was boring. How can your life be interesting if you have nothing to share and no one to share with? It was a dream to sit with someone and chat. Probably you can imagine yourselves dreaming of sipping coffee on a cold evening sitting in your balcony chatting about your future. I never dreamt of anything closer to it too. Because, I was still waiting to cross path with first stranger of my life.Strangers today might be your friends tomorrow. Because every friend today, was a stranger once. While I was still lost in the thoughts of being alone all my life, I saw someone walking towards my hill. No, it was not just one, but couple of people walking towards me. I was on top of the world when I saw them. My Excitement of meeting someone was getting closer. But the wait was not going to be over so soon. There still lied emptiness in the place where I stayed and so did in my mind. All I had was to see morning, noon and evening. I followed a strict life of shutting myself down soon after sunset.One fine Saturday when I woke up, world started looking so different to me. I saw couple of people standing near me. It seemed as though they were waiting for me to wake up. I said hello. I wasn’t sure if they heard me. I shouted loud. Still not being sure if they heard me, I started screaming. Finally, I saw them walking towards me! The first stranger I was waiting to meet was standing next to me. I felt I was mum in happiness. Only later I realized my words were not heard by them! My language was different, my expressions were different. “Never mind. You were all alone these years and now you have someone to express yourselves to. Does it really matter to you if they do not understand you?” I asked to myself. Now I had to answer to my own question. I chose to express and not expect a reply.
It was a beautiful bright day when a group of people came towards me and one of them leaned his shoulders to me and started talking to others. I hardly understood a few words from their conversation that there will be a movie shot taken here. I felt special that someone like me who was alone all his life had a chance to be seen by the world. But, to celebrate the moment, again I was left alone. Within a couple of days, a movie song was shot around me. I was famous, my home was famous. Now people came to see me and my home. I was one of the center of attraction and everyone came to meet me. The touches started becoming rough. Someone started climbing me and his shoes hurt me. I wept silently. But, I still wanted people around me so that I was not alone. I have been a witness of some of the beautiful stories. At times, I have been a victim of bad habits because of wrong company too! One day I woke up to the most beautiful mist I had seen for years. While I was not even able to see my neighboring hills, I saw a couple walking towards me. I saw that blushing beautiful girl showing me to her boy. They walked to me. She leaned over me while he slept on her thighs. I have been a strength to so many loving lives for years now. Every couple clicks a photo with me and I used to feel special as I was the only common thing in everyone’s photo. Meanwhile I started getting some bad company at times too. I started smoking along with them in the hill top. For someone who had always got only fresh air with tiny water droplets blended in it, this smoke was a little stinky one. But, to get the company, I had to accept this and smoke along with them. I got some drinks too. Only after years I realized that I am left with a mess around me. I feel so helpless when my legs are tied around and I am not able to clean myself. Sometimes rain washes everything away and I silently thank rain for all the good things it has done to me. While I am disturbed by the noise around me, I have started getting sleepless nights. I still have my eyes filled with tears after seeing those scars on the hill which is my home. Those scars seem to look permanent as I have seen them not fading away for couple of years now. People have walked in same path again and again fading the green carpet. Over the years, the fade has turned to scar. The decision of expressing myself while no one responds continued for years and now I have stopped to express myself. Because, I do not like anyone who comes to me anymore! I want that silence back. I need those peaceful nights where I can sleep and feel fresh the next morning. I hate seeing the scars in my hill. It hurts to know that even if I wish being alone again, I am again left with no choice to decide my future. Decades of loneness did not hurt me as much as these years of meeting people did.
Now after hearing me, if you are wishing to see me, then I am sorry.
Dear tourist,
You are no more welcomed here by me. I wish we never see each other ever! Thank you!
Yours Sincerely,
Onti Mara from Mandalpatti
